TEACHABLE MOMENTS SUCK!!

Teachable moments come in many forms and are always for the greater good.  The packaging may not be so pretty, but there is always something great inside of them. I used to be the parent who would say, “I will fight for my children until the day I die.”  Today, I am the parent who says, ” I allow my children to fight for themselves, so they may thrive.” Here is one teachable moment that explains the difference.

My youngest is five years old.  In many ways her characteristics are a lot like mine, and from the start, she has always been feisty, bold and self-assured.  For example, she was delivered almost six weeks early and booted from the NICU much earlier than anticipated, because she refused to “play well in the NICU sandbox”.   After three days of pokes, prods and light therapy for jaundice, she had enough. 

According to the sweet NICU nurse, who frankly looked perplexed, “Little Miss was in her bassinet stark naked free of her feeding tube, IV, arm board and diaper not long after we had her situated, yet again.”   This dance lasted three days. Her doctor finally gave the order to leave everything off and to step her down to the next unit. We were pleased and knew from coy smile we snapped in a photo of the day prior, she was not akin to being constrained. 

Now that she is older, we nurture that Spirit.  We honor her with the ability to make personal choices and to grow from the outcomes.  She is encouraged to speak her mind about what she is feeling and why. We talk her through resolutions when she is sad and her process when she is happy. We also, want that same person in that bassinet to develop into the wonderful person we know she is.  We want to protect her from any pain and this is where it gets tough.  As her parent’s, we understand we can’t, and boy does this suck! Barring physical harm, we allow her to experience life, her way. 

All that being said, this particular topic has not been particularly easy for me.  I have “demons”, issues I have not resolved from within. They have lost a lot of their control on my life, but those suckers still attempt to surface and will, until I deal with them with certainty and truth.  They are pretty sneaky too, as they don’t always show up within me, but through my love of others. My husband will tell you, I love our only child together like no other. Therefore, when the Universe prompts my lessons to be fulfilled through her experience, I am ready to pay damned close attention.  Mess with my baby, and it becomes time to get it right, for me and my journey. 

There is particular person in my life that has an emotional string tied to my heart.  Many of my struggles require me to work through unraveling that string, one connected by blood.  Like me, this is still a work in progress. This weekend, that progress advanced by leaps and bounds because of one exchange. 

My daughter was yelled at and intimidated  by this person and sent away in tears.  I knew this was “the moment my old “demons” began pulling my emotional puppet strings as I fought not to react to the scenario from a place of anger, helplessness or shame. You see the words were directed at her, but the energy was intensely felt by me. Remember that part of the movie, Matilda, where Danny Devito yells at Matilda, “I’m big , you’re small. I’m right, you’re wrong and there is nothing you can do about it!” I lived this scene each time this person and I shared the same space. For most of my life, this was how they treated me and because of their relationship with me, I accepted it.

When this exchange occurred, I almost…almost went back there, but seeing my baby’s face changed it all.  She was not in physical danger and I had to remind myself of that as the situation occurred. I also had to wait before I responded, because at that moment I realized, it was not what happened that would solidify her perception of the experience, but how she would view my response to it.  This person no longer had the control to affect my life experience and I damned sure was not going to allow them to place a “stamp of shame and minuteness on hers.” 

I played the scenario over in my head until it no longer provoked negativity within me.  Then and only then, did I walk upstairs to have a discussion with my daughter; she was sitting with her father. When I walked in she made eye contact with me and covered her head with the blanket. Those damned demons were playing their best hand! My husband and I talked about what she explained to him and he was not very happy.  I could sense the tension rising within him and could foresee him doing what father’s do for their daughters, fight for them.  What I believed had to occur, was I needed to explain to him why I completely agreed with him, yet this was not his battle.  I want my all of daughters to know their father will always protect them, but that they are able to stand on their own, FIRST.  That their power to rise above any person or situation is not linked to the physical size and brute force of their father, but within their own Spiritual intelligence. 

I desire for them to understand, there are people who do not think about nor treat them  like Mom and Dad and that is okay.  I want them to always know, the actions of others do not define them. That day, I looked at my daughter as she peeked her head from under the cover and I knew she needed to understand she was powerful enough to defend and fight for herself without regard to person for her. I decided to arm her with the all the armor she would need to always feel like the winner she was born to be. 

I spoke with her, so she could be equipped with the comfort and ability to tell me she was not pleased by what happened and why.  I listened as I joined her in bed to put my arms around her as she curled up on my chest to explain how the exchange made her feel.  Then, I did the best possible thing I knew to do. I gave her what no one gave me at five, a sense of solitude in my emotions, that having them did not make me frail and weak and that I was powerful because I am born with it. No one could give it to me, no one could take it away and I would be taught how to use it.

 I discussed with her how her voice is not smaller because the person speaking to her is bigger.  I assured her being a girl was an assignment not a weakness. I looked her in the eyes and told her to stand in her truth. That she could face anyone and I would always have her back.  That I would follow her lead because she is a leader, be her support because she deserved it and love her through infinity because she is worthy. (That part was a little deep for her, but she felt my love.)  Nevertheless, my soul felt every word. As I held and spoke to her and realized I was healing me.  

It is never easy to see your child emotionally saddened, but I knew I was either going to give life to what had occurred or pour life into what she would connect with it.  As she lay on my chest and regained her positive energy and restored her smile, my daughter hugged me tight.  Without saying another word, I knew this teachable moment was a lesson we each would never forget because it INpowered us both.

Until Next Time,

Denise

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It’s Really Simple, Isn’t It?

MY BODY

My body is mine. Not yours. Not through birth, blood, emotions, laws or contracts. I do not owe it to anyone. It always belongs to me.

My body is for my pleasure. Not yours.  On occasion, I am gracious enough to allow you to enjoy it, at my leisure.

My body is beautiful the way I define it. Not you.  Whatever size, shape or color, I own the quality of its description.

My body is worthy of my grace. Not yours. There is nothing you can offer me to improve upon it.  It’s an inside job.

My body is my glory. Not yours. It is superbly designed by me.

My body is my prize. Not your trophy. It is always number one to me.

My body is controlled by my mind. Not yours. The only seat at the helm is mine.

My body is perfect and everything it is supposed to be, to and for me.  Feel about it as you please. Your feelings are your right. Just understand this. Your right to my body does not exist. Never have. Never will.

Even when I am weak, confused or ashamed, you are not the substitute for me.  My body is mine and always, in all ways, belongs to me.

Just One Second

one second

How do we make it through the pain? Pain is an experience that gets us comfortable with would have’s, could have’s, should have’s, why me’s and sometimes shame that we experienced it in the first place. 

Pain taints the ideas of what we want with fear and doubt. Fear, that better does not really exist, and doubt, that even if it does appear, it is only a matter of time before pain will REappear.

As wonderful as life is, we are often negotiating for happiness to take its rightful place in it. Inside, pain is the headliner and puppeteer of our “reality.”  Pain is the psychologist  that tells us to settle for emotional defeat; that pain knows best, and we will survive if we allow it to drive our lives. 

For example, love. Genuine wonderful love can be painful. When we and feel emotionally stuck in what we have been through, past experiences are as powerful as the present. In essence, what we went through continues to be what we are going through.

Likewise, a painful experience related to love can feel remarkable when connected  to the hope for something better. In the midst of this experience, pain continues to thrive mentally and physically and even though we feel it destroying us, we “hold on.”

As much as we desire, it can be difficult to let go of the pain. There is security in it. There is comfort in “knowing”  what to look for, so we will not experience it again. Understood. Danger lies in the physical, mental and emotional energy we give pain, not our awareness of it.  Pain is not to be forgotten, nor is it to be a constant.  It is part of our life journey, but only as an investment.  We all take chances. In doing so, we must also take the risks associated with them and continue to love ourselves enough to know when to cut our losses. All it takes, is one second.

In one second, your entire life can change. In one second, you can make the decision to cut puppeteer strings and get in the diver seat of your life.  One second holds immense power. Inside of it is eternity. All the wisdom and power of you, is in a second.

Love and peace are our natural states of existence. Anything outside of them (our one second)  are temporary experiences we are able to control.  That one second, when pain has us at our breaking point,  is also when we feel the most strength. That one second, when we are out of our body and mind and in our soul, all is well. Here, is where our soul is telling us we belong.

We are created in God’s image, love and peace are who we are and always will be.  What we experience is a temporary altering of a permanent existence; everything outside of that one second. Every single one of us is divinely equipped to get back our “normal” state of being, even you. How do we make it through the pain?

Linger in your second. Live in your second. Think, believe and know all is possible in your second. Seek knowledge in your second, ask for guidance in your second. All it takes is one second to see pain for what it is, embrace it, learn from it and set it free.  That one second never ends. We need to remember it is where we are, and when we realize we are not, return to it anytime we need, just one second. 

Less Than A Year…

Less than a year ago I embarked upon a journey with an unfathomable destination, unbridled passion and an intense feeling of purpose.

I walked away from a lucrative career that for many years provided meaning to my existence while teaching me empathy and compassion for humanity all so I could meet this burning need for “more.”

Less than a year ago, I was clueless about how to transition this passion beyond my desire. I had no idea of who could provide guidance or even where to start.

What did I do? Jumped off the cliff and learned how to fly after the leap.

I researched the fundamentals of my passion from every angle I could find. I connected with every organization and person who would give me their time, I read books, blogs, strategies and how to manuals, watched webinars, paid for courses and swallowed my pride to ask for help from anyone who had an ear. I became vulnerable yet certain, THIS journey would be complete.

Less than a year ago, I decided I would be the person I imagined myself to be, live the life I desired to live and give what I somehow knew I was equipped to, even if I was not sure how.

Less than a year ago, I chose to put all of my eggs in my own basket. I decided for 44 years I had taken chances on the world. This time, I was betting on me.

This is the power of mind. This is the power of reckless abandonment of mental confinement and choosing to live aware of my capabilities instead of limiting beliefs.

Recently, a scenario I imagined February 2018 became my reality. I believed it would. I didn’t know when nor how, I just held on to the vision. With focus and faith, the “how” path revealed itself as I opened my mind to knowing it was there.

Life is such an amazing journey and even more amazing knowing I am in the driver’s seat and the Universe is riding shotgun.

 

BLOG PHOTO UW

Faith creates your wings. Rely on it. Every so often you will feel yourself soar and realize you were never really on the ground.” – Denise White

                                                                                                       

 

 

The “Spirit of the Season” Can Miss Me

I am not big on holidays.  Maybe the time I spent working in healthcare numbed my holiday gene.  Who wants to think about time with family, friends and relaxing knowing they can’t participate in the festivities? I certainly didn’t.  Then maybe it is all the commercialism linked to love and appreciation.  A diamond ring is a wonderful thing, but I am not particularly fond of receiving one because of  a great commercial ad or subliminal messages of “if you don’t get our shiny object, does he really care the way he says he does?” 

I may be a bit of a Scrooge for many reasons and I am ok with all of them because I love being me.  I love family, food, friends and the comradery of spending time with people I care for.  In fact, I love it so much, I desire to do it all the time, not only certain times of the year.  

I enjoy giving others “gifts” as often as possible.  “Gifts” such as love, affection, time, attention, laughter, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.  I enjoy cooking and sharing the  talents and skills I have acquired in design & decor, writing, creating and the like.  It warms my heart to see people smile, hear them laugh and genuinely exchange positive energy with me.  This is how I enjoy living each and every day.

There is something simply soul special when time is carved out and set aside for others, just because.  It is magical to give and or receive that phone call, dinner invitation, email or text just saying, “Hello. You are in my heart.”  Knowing someone is giving of themself because they care to share their positivity and love with you is one of the best gifts to ever receive.  Connection with another soul is a heavenly gift that can never be priced, sold, or replaced. 

Today, I gifted myself a huge dose of gratitude as I started my day.  I made my daily coffee run after school drop off.  Without much thought, the warm cup in my hand suddenly felt like the most amazing cup ever. I walked outside and had this all encompassing feeling of peace, harmony and love.  I felt the morning breeze, as if for the very first time, and did not resist as it sent chills through me.  I watched gold and maroon leaves dance through the air before making delicate and graceful landings on the concrete, cars and water fountain.

I began thinking about where I was a year ago.  Behind a desk, wishing I could spend my days without make up,  in yoga pants, writing, reading, collaborating and creating.  I used to imagine what it would be like to take my youngest daughter to private school, volunteer and be a “room parent” because, hell, I had the time.  I remember dreading fighting traffic and watching the clock, praying for the work day to end.  That cup of coffee was like a portal to “Gratitude Land.” In an instant, everything was perfect. 

Today, I am living that perfect, imagined life.  I worked for it, sacrificed for it and believed it could be my reality. I did not buy it. No one could sell me what I already possessed. There is no commercial for true peace, love and joy.  Being grateful for where I was and where I am on a consistent basis was and is the key.  It is the magic that allows the Universe to multiply its infinite possibilities, create my pathways of thought and spark my creativity, connect me with new people and elevate the lives of those already part of my existence to fulfill goals, live dreams and carve out time we did not realize existed to just “be.”  Life is simply amazing, every moment of every day. So, pardon me if the “Spirit of the season” misses me.  I choose to live my “season” daily and everyday is the “most wonderful time of the year. ” 

MEEEEEE

        “GRATITUDE TURNS LIFE INTO GOLD”  – UNKNOWN

The Speed of My Soul

I am moving at the speed of my soul. It is so much different a velocity than that of the world. It is variable and yet steady in its accelerations and decelerations.  Sometimes, I feel as though I cannot keep up and others, I am right on time.

The days I feel as though I am lagging are but a blur. Like watching an old black and white film with scratches, black dots and flickering pictures on the screen.  The days I am right on time, its like I’m in the best Hallmark movie of my life. 

I love the variety. I make it a game to keep up with it and it feels so good when I get the victory.  The sun is brighter, music has a sweeter melody and the breeze gives me just the right amount of tickle across my skin. 

Today was one of the victorious days.  My soul slow walked me through some extended rest, transported me into some valuable family time, then catapulted me into connecting with just the right person to give life to fulfilling one of my best projects to date. It was a joyous ride today and because I have learned my soul will always move me at my optimal speed. I am looking forward to tomorrow, the day after and so on.

I may not cross the finish line of world given milestones, but because I trust my soul, I will always finish, whole, happy and right on time.  

What is your speed?

Until next time.

Blessings and Love.

Denise

 

Letting Go

I have learned it is okay to let go, without bitterness,  apologies or regrets.  For me, coming from a place of desire to please others made this lesson a lengthy one to master. The truth is, the longing to please others is not about how good of a person we are or how much we want to see others happy. It is about the void within us seeking to please others attempts to fill. 

Yes, we are interconnected and yes it is a wonderful feeling to see your actions bring a smile to someone else’s face, but neither of those things are to be acquired from your pain or stubbornness to accept a situation for what it is and was always meant to be.

Don’t give until it hurts. Don’t ever apologize for growing through a situation and never ever regret nurturing your soul before sharing its energy with others.

Conflict will arise. Others may not understand your actions. Remember this, their perception of what you do is theirs and fair for them. Nevertheless, you are only mandated to cultivate your experience, not theirs. 

The process will challenge all you know and believe about who you are, but it will also reveal who you are created to be.  Without regard to anyone else, you are responsible for your journey alone. 

This journey can lead you to and through people and situations you deemed the answer to your questions. In honesty, many of these people and situations were never meant to be permanent sources in your life. Instead, they are temporary teachers,  soul professors,  meant to guide you towards your greater self.  As souls having a human experience, by instinct we seek comfort and connection with others. When we feel these things have been accomplished, we fight tooth and nail to remain connected to them even when the person, relationship and experience was only designed to be a mere catalyst to elevating your understanding of you and your journey.   

Nothing is personal, everything is soulful.  When we separate perceptions of what should be from the pure divinity of what is, we will know, nothing is ever a waste. No person coming into your life is a coincidence and no person exiting your life is a mistake. The lesson is in the experience. 

Bless all whose paths you cross. No one is seeking to hurt you. You are seeking to be your best self through your experience with them. Release them from the responsibility of your past, present and future. Thank them and be grateful for the moment. Do not burden your experience with would, could or should. Rejoice within it for all that is and was. You asked for this. Let go when you know you should, focus on what you learned from the experience and keep growing. 

 

I Wish My Heart Had Amnesia

Hurricane Florence is now a past experience. Even with the cleanup and rebuilding required from the damage that was left behind, she is gone. Those affected are left to deal with the damage.

Watching the rain and wind this weekend, I thought about what AFTER the storm would mean. What would Florence leave besides debris? How that debris signifies more than physical damage and that the pain attached to it will linger long after physical environments are restored.

This started me thinking about the storms we weather in our daily lives. How much debris still exists and how do we return  “return to normal” after the storms have passed? Why can’t we just forget painful experiences and be as fresh as the paint on the walls of a restored home?

My first thought was, “I wish my heart had amnesia.” If my heart had amnesia, it would not remember the hurt and pain it endured. When the pain ceased to exist, so would have the aftermath of pain’s destruction.

If it were this easy, when the life experiences I longed for appeared, past pain would have ethereally transformed into beautiful memories instead of ruins of emotion.

Instead, I remain torn, mentally stuck shoveling and toting the debris of past storms between two worlds. Worlds of acceptance perceived by living within a world of joy and a world of skepticism.

The world of skepticism is filled with would have’s, could have’s, should have’s and why me’s combined with wishes that the painful experiences never existed, because they taint the ideal of the desired experience with fear and doubt. Fear, that the desired experience does not really exist, for me and doubt, that even if it does appear, it is only a matter of time before the negative emotions of the previous experience of it will reappear.

The world of joy contains all the peace ever hoped for and comforts one could have only dreamed. It’s a new reality that even as wonderful as it is, is always negotiating its rightful place in the presence its own existence. We internally battle to immerse ourselves in the magnificence of the world of joy while being, sometimes unconsciously, responsible for taking up mental residence in the world of skepticism.

This tug o’ war lends the victory to the greater of our present emotion irrespective of where we physically stand. For example, a great love experience hurts when partnered with the feeling of pain. When the feeling is equivalent to what was, the past remains the present; the storm never clears.

A horrible love experience can feel remarkable when connected to the emotion of hope and anticipation of something better. In the midst of this storm, we “hold on.”

The worlds blend as thoughts and energy that permeate from within us do not align. It confuses and angers us that we can match the two with the wonder of  now. As much as we desire, it is difficult to let go of the pain. There is security in it.  A knowing of what to look for as not to experience it again.  It’s a difficult concept, but pain is not to be forgotten. It should be viewed as an investment because the return on that investment is joy.

Even so, it’s work to see pain as an asset and honestly, I am exhausted with aiming to check that box. The more I achieve, it seems there are more storms to endure..

For now, my worlds continue to mix, and it frustrates me because I just want to “get over it,” even knowing it’s not that easy and that “getting over it” is not the purpose of pain in my life.

Time, with awareness is helping me to stay secure in the eye of the storm and maintain of my world of joy. Self awareness will continue help make this better, easier I know. I also know I will continue make futile wishes that I did not have to bear this journey and could exist in the allure of now, without memory of the past.

Spiritually, I understand that is not the path to self-realization. To just forget each moment as we transition to the next is not why we are here. Even as I continue to wish my heart had amnesia, I know if it did, I could not grasp the beauty of what I experience now.

Without the pain of what I experienced in the past, now would not have such meaning, impact and joy.  If the pain stops, there is no opposite, no comparison, no triumph.  Emotionally, this is where the conflict will always live. So, how should I handle storms of pain?

I must wish my heart to have all the experiences it needs and learn to embrace, not dwell too long in them. I must learn I have experienced the pain, knowing I could count it all to joy, for that is where it has always led me.

Sometimes, more than others,  it is increasingly difficult to really know AND live this, but what I choose does not alter immutable truth;  we are not designed to have pain without joy or vice versa. 

Our lesson is to believe this as we experience and grow through our time in each.  The lesson in the pain, reveals the blessing in the joy. I only know this, because my heart has not forgotten.

Have you ever wished you could forget it all? Start anew? What would you gain by starting over and what would you lose? Finally, how have you invested in pain and received joy?

Until next time.

Blessings and Love,

Denise