All Aboard the Victim Train

 

bridge clouds cloudy dark cloudsI love knowing and experiencing the differences between my spiritual and cognitive journey’s.  Although, I am not so fond of ALWAYS knowing I control the journey. 

Let me explain. Knowing I control my experiences means I am no longer a victim of circumstances. I may not always be the pilot either because well, life.  As much as I would like to have my hands in EVERY situation that my life is linked to, I simply can’t. So, I have and continue to learn I must navigate the experiences of this life journey from the only position I can honestly control, my perspective. 

Every so often, I want to forget this and feel as if I am such a wonderful spiritually enlightened person who has it all together and people just won’t do what it takes to be responsible and accountable for being good people themselves. In other words, because I do not control the actions of others, I can be a victim. I now see that I lie to myself about this because, once again, I choose my perspective. If I do not want feel victimized, I wouldn’t.

This past weekend, I had such a moment. I allowed myself to be completely frustrated and negatively supercharged.  I must tell you, once you finally understand who you are and how the process of life actually works, there is no turning back.  Trust me, you cannot unring the bell. Therefore, this was not a pretty scene, but I digress.

jackie

So, this weekend, when I reached my crossroad of choice between being the victim and being the captain of my perspective, I completely chose to take the victim route. In that moment it felt comforting. I felt frustrated and desired to give into it. It relinquished me from being an active participant in the situation and I ran with that baby like I was Jackie Joyner Kersee racing for the gold.

Once the victim train left the station, that baby took off full speed down the hill of an iced track. I was full force with anger and tears and felt completely vulnerable as I played worst case scenarios in my head.  This chic was a basket case!!

Here is the funny part. The enlightened me, the spiritually knowledgeable me, remained steadfast and kept feeding me the emotional energies of calm and comfort. I felt it and chose to ignore it because I wanted to be angry!!! I wanted to scream, shout, cry and blame. The “potential” course of my day, my very reputation may have been altered and I was going to blame somebody!!!

How dramatic!!! Notice I wrote, “potential” course of my day.  That was honestly all it was, potential. None of the worst case scenarios had occurred, they were all figments of my imagination that gained a false relevance because I chose to put energy into them.  Even though in my spirit I knew I was in complete control of how my day progressed and my reputation was intact, that even amidst confusion everything really was fine, I continued to add more energy to that train and sped up my course down the victim track.eye

Okay, now here is the even funnier part. My spirit remained calm and I could honestly feel the separation of my spiritual energy from my conscious energy.  It occurs the instant you know you are committed to the drama, but there is an eye of the storm within you that keeps you grounded and connected to the peace and security of God.  When you tell yourself, ” This is not the way it is supposed to be” and feel the comfort of, ” All is well,” but refuse to choose it. 

We are not designed to be in a state of unbalance. When we teeter totter between opposing spiritual and mental energies, we feel completely awful!! Ever have those moments that feel as if “something isn’t right,” but you can’t quite put your finger on it?  Well, that is the beginning of the tipping point. The red flag alerting us to check our inputs and outputs and seek resolution of a potential malfunction. 

We WANT balance, we ARE balance, which is why we are emphatically affected by other states of being. This past weekend I discovered why feeling out of balance was more of a mock comfort for me. 

Situations, energy, people, things will always be prevalent in our life experiences.  They are the life professors that allow us to experience who we are and learn who we would like to become. Perspective is the vantage point that allows us to be active or passive participants in these lessons. What I received this weekend was I will learn to take these lessons spiritually not personally. 

Taking things personally challenges the ego, the world view of personal worth and cognitive value. It is the perspective that leads one to take up arms, lash out from fear and board the victim train because now, others control their destination.

close up of bonfire at night

Experiencing things spiritually allows one to be an observer of the personal challenges without being connected to the energy of them.  It is the equivalent to seeing fire and knowing it is hot and sticking a hand in it to experience what “hot ” is.  Which perspective do you need to have to know the same information? Fire is hot.

As I write this today, I am so very pleased to have had my moment this weekend. Why? Because I can look back at it and see my connection to spirit never wavered. My choice to rely on that connection did. Even so, I was directed to speak to the people I needed. My  spiritual gatekeepers.  They removed the ice on my negatively charged track and leveled out the trajectory of my destination by connecting me with their pathways of positive energy and flipping the switch from negative to positive. 

I have often heard, ” The Lord does not put more on you than you can bear.” For me, the truth within that statement is, we are angels to one another and never have to carry the weight of our life experience alone. 

car chair comfort commuting

I am grateful for my angels, life professors and experiences. Even though I know the lessons I am to retrieve from recent experiences, I cannot promise I will never choose to  board the victim train again. Truthfully, between you and me, something about it was rather cleansing. Nevertheless, what I have promised myself is that even if I choose to board it again. I will not stay on it for long.  Awareness is more important that avoidance. I am able to have a perspective of what I am aware of versus focusing energy on what I am seeking to avoid. 

So, for now, the victim train has left the station. Empty. Bon voyage!!

Until next time,

“Do all things in Love.”

-Denise

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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