TEACHABLE MOMENTS SUCK!!

Teachable moments come in many forms and are always for the greater good.  The packaging may not be so pretty, but there is always something great inside of them. I used to be the parent who would say, “I will fight for my children until the day I die.”  Today, I am the parent who says, ” I allow my children to fight for themselves, so they may thrive.” Here is one teachable moment that explains the difference.

My youngest is five years old.  In many ways her characteristics are a lot like mine, and from the start, she has always been feisty, bold and self-assured.  For example, she was delivered almost six weeks early and booted from the NICU much earlier than anticipated, because she refused to “play well in the NICU sandbox”.   After three days of pokes, prods and light therapy for jaundice, she had enough. 

According to the sweet NICU nurse, who frankly looked perplexed, “Little Miss was in her bassinet stark naked free of her feeding tube, IV, arm board and diaper not long after we had her situated, yet again.”   This dance lasted three days. Her doctor finally gave the order to leave everything off and to step her down to the next unit. We were pleased and knew from coy smile we snapped in a photo of the day prior, she was not akin to being constrained. 

Now that she is older, we nurture that Spirit.  We honor her with the ability to make personal choices and to grow from the outcomes.  She is encouraged to speak her mind about what she is feeling and why. We talk her through resolutions when she is sad and her process when she is happy. We also, want that same person in that bassinet to develop into the wonderful person we know she is.  We want to protect her from any pain and this is where it gets tough.  As her parent’s, we understand we can’t, and boy does this suck! Barring physical harm, we allow her to experience life, her way. 

All that being said, this particular topic has not been particularly easy for me.  I have “demons”, issues I have not resolved from within. They have lost a lot of their control on my life, but those suckers still attempt to surface and will, until I deal with them with certainty and truth.  They are pretty sneaky too, as they don’t always show up within me, but through my love of others. My husband will tell you, I love our only child together like no other. Therefore, when the Universe prompts my lessons to be fulfilled through her experience, I am ready to pay damned close attention.  Mess with my baby, and it becomes time to get it right, for me and my journey. 

There is particular person in my life that has an emotional string tied to my heart.  Many of my struggles require me to work through unraveling that string, one connected by blood.  Like me, this is still a work in progress. This weekend, that progress advanced by leaps and bounds because of one exchange. 

My daughter was yelled at and intimidated  by this person and sent away in tears.  I knew this was “the moment my old “demons” began pulling my emotional puppet strings as I fought not to react to the scenario from a place of anger, helplessness or shame. You see the words were directed at her, but the energy was intensely felt by me. Remember that part of the movie, Matilda, where Danny Devito yells at Matilda, “I’m big , you’re small. I’m right, you’re wrong and there is nothing you can do about it!” I lived this scene each time this person and I shared the same space. For most of my life, this was how they treated me and because of their relationship with me, I accepted it.

When this exchange occurred, I almost…almost went back there, but seeing my baby’s face changed it all.  She was not in physical danger and I had to remind myself of that as the situation occurred. I also had to wait before I responded, because at that moment I realized, it was not what happened that would solidify her perception of the experience, but how she would view my response to it.  This person no longer had the control to affect my life experience and I damned sure was not going to allow them to place a “stamp of shame and minuteness on hers.” 

I played the scenario over in my head until it no longer provoked negativity within me.  Then and only then, did I walk upstairs to have a discussion with my daughter; she was sitting with her father. When I walked in she made eye contact with me and covered her head with the blanket. Those damned demons were playing their best hand! My husband and I talked about what she explained to him and he was not very happy.  I could sense the tension rising within him and could foresee him doing what father’s do for their daughters, fight for them.  What I believed had to occur, was I needed to explain to him why I completely agreed with him, yet this was not his battle.  I want my all of daughters to know their father will always protect them, but that they are able to stand on their own, FIRST.  That their power to rise above any person or situation is not linked to the physical size and brute force of their father, but within their own Spiritual intelligence. 

I desire for them to understand, there are people who do not think about nor treat them  like Mom and Dad and that is okay.  I want them to always know, the actions of others do not define them. That day, I looked at my daughter as she peeked her head from under the cover and I knew she needed to understand she was powerful enough to defend and fight for herself without regard to person for her. I decided to arm her with the all the armor she would need to always feel like the winner she was born to be. 

I spoke with her, so she could be equipped with the comfort and ability to tell me she was not pleased by what happened and why.  I listened as I joined her in bed to put my arms around her as she curled up on my chest to explain how the exchange made her feel.  Then, I did the best possible thing I knew to do. I gave her what no one gave me at five, a sense of solitude in my emotions, that having them did not make me frail and weak and that I was powerful because I am born with it. No one could give it to me, no one could take it away and I would be taught how to use it.

 I discussed with her how her voice is not smaller because the person speaking to her is bigger.  I assured her being a girl was an assignment not a weakness. I looked her in the eyes and told her to stand in her truth. That she could face anyone and I would always have her back.  That I would follow her lead because she is a leader, be her support because she deserved it and love her through infinity because she is worthy. (That part was a little deep for her, but she felt my love.)  Nevertheless, my soul felt every word. As I held and spoke to her and realized I was healing me.  

It is never easy to see your child emotionally saddened, but I knew I was either going to give life to what had occurred or pour life into what she would connect with it.  As she lay on my chest and regained her positive energy and restored her smile, my daughter hugged me tight.  Without saying another word, I knew this teachable moment was a lesson we each would never forget because it INpowered us both.

Until Next Time,

Denise

It’s Really Simple, Isn’t It?

MY BODY

My body is mine. Not yours. Not through birth, blood, emotions, laws or contracts. I do not owe it to anyone. It always belongs to me.

My body is for my pleasure. Not yours.  On occasion, I am gracious enough to allow you to enjoy it, at my leisure.

My body is beautiful the way I define it. Not you.  Whatever size, shape or color, I own the quality of its description.

My body is worthy of my grace. Not yours. There is nothing you can offer me to improve upon it.  It’s an inside job.

My body is my glory. Not yours. It is superbly designed by me.

My body is my prize. Not your trophy. It is always number one to me.

My body is controlled by my mind. Not yours. The only seat at the helm is mine.

My body is perfect and everything it is supposed to be, to and for me.  Feel about it as you please. Your feelings are your right. Just understand this. Your right to my body does not exist. Never have. Never will.

Even when I am weak, confused or ashamed, you are not the substitute for me.  My body is mine and always, in all ways, belongs to me.

Just One Second

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How do we make it through the pain? Pain is an experience that gets us comfortable with would have’s, could have’s, should have’s, why me’s and sometimes shame that we experienced it in the first place. 

Pain taints the ideas of what we want with fear and doubt. Fear, that better does not really exist, and doubt, that even if it does appear, it is only a matter of time before pain will REappear.

As wonderful as life is, we are often negotiating for happiness to take its rightful place in it. Inside, pain is the headliner and puppeteer of our “reality.”  Pain is the psychologist  that tells us to settle for emotional defeat; that pain knows best, and we will survive if we allow it to drive our lives. 

For example, love. Genuine wonderful love can be painful. When we and feel emotionally stuck in what we have been through, past experiences are as powerful as the present. In essence, what we went through continues to be what we are going through.

Likewise, a painful experience related to love can feel remarkable when connected  to the hope for something better. In the midst of this experience, pain continues to thrive mentally and physically and even though we feel it destroying us, we “hold on.”

As much as we desire, it can be difficult to let go of the pain. There is security in it. There is comfort in “knowing”  what to look for, so we will not experience it again. Understood. Danger lies in the physical, mental and emotional energy we give pain, not our awareness of it.  Pain is not to be forgotten, nor is it to be a constant.  It is part of our life journey, but only as an investment.  We all take chances. In doing so, we must also take the risks associated with them and continue to love ourselves enough to know when to cut our losses. All it takes, is one second.

In one second, your entire life can change. In one second, you can make the decision to cut puppeteer strings and get in the diver seat of your life.  One second holds immense power. Inside of it is eternity. All the wisdom and power of you, is in a second.

Love and peace are our natural states of existence. Anything outside of them (our one second)  are temporary experiences we are able to control.  That one second, when pain has us at our breaking point,  is also when we feel the most strength. That one second, when we are out of our body and mind and in our soul, all is well. Here, is where our soul is telling us we belong.

We are created in God’s image, love and peace are who we are and always will be.  What we experience is a temporary altering of a permanent existence; everything outside of that one second. Every single one of us is divinely equipped to get back our “normal” state of being, even you. How do we make it through the pain?

Linger in your second. Live in your second. Think, believe and know all is possible in your second. Seek knowledge in your second, ask for guidance in your second. All it takes is one second to see pain for what it is, embrace it, learn from it and set it free.  That one second never ends. We need to remember it is where we are, and when we realize we are not, return to it anytime we need, just one second. 

Less Than A Year…

Less than a year ago I embarked upon a journey with an unfathomable destination, unbridled passion and an intense feeling of purpose.

I walked away from a lucrative career that for many years provided meaning to my existence while teaching me empathy and compassion for humanity all so I could meet this burning need for “more.”

Less than a year ago, I was clueless about how to transition this passion beyond my desire. I had no idea of who could provide guidance or even where to start.

What did I do? Jumped off the cliff and learned how to fly after the leap.

I researched the fundamentals of my passion from every angle I could find. I connected with every organization and person who would give me their time, I read books, blogs, strategies and how to manuals, watched webinars, paid for courses and swallowed my pride to ask for help from anyone who had an ear. I became vulnerable yet certain, THIS journey would be complete.

Less than a year ago, I decided I would be the person I imagined myself to be, live the life I desired to live and give what I somehow knew I was equipped to, even if I was not sure how.

Less than a year ago, I chose to put all of my eggs in my own basket. I decided for 44 years I had taken chances on the world. This time, I was betting on me.

This is the power of mind. This is the power of reckless abandonment of mental confinement and choosing to live aware of my capabilities instead of limiting beliefs.

Recently, a scenario I imagined February 2018 became my reality. I believed it would. I didn’t know when nor how, I just held on to the vision. With focus and faith, the “how” path revealed itself as I opened my mind to knowing it was there.

Life is such an amazing journey and even more amazing knowing I am in the driver’s seat and the Universe is riding shotgun.

 

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Faith creates your wings. Rely on it. Every so often you will feel yourself soar and realize you were never really on the ground.” – Denise White

                                                                                                       

 

 

The “Spirit of the Season” Can Miss Me

I am not big on holidays.  Maybe the time I spent working in healthcare numbed my holiday gene.  Who wants to think about time with family, friends and relaxing knowing they can’t participate in the festivities? I certainly didn’t.  Then maybe it is all the commercialism linked to love and appreciation.  A diamond ring is a wonderful thing, but I am not particularly fond of receiving one because of  a great commercial ad or subliminal messages of “if you don’t get our shiny object, does he really care the way he says he does?” 

I may be a bit of a Scrooge for many reasons and I am ok with all of them because I love being me.  I love family, food, friends and the comradery of spending time with people I care for.  In fact, I love it so much, I desire to do it all the time, not only certain times of the year.  

I enjoy giving others “gifts” as often as possible.  “Gifts” such as love, affection, time, attention, laughter, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.  I enjoy cooking and sharing the  talents and skills I have acquired in design & decor, writing, creating and the like.  It warms my heart to see people smile, hear them laugh and genuinely exchange positive energy with me.  This is how I enjoy living each and every day.

There is something simply soul special when time is carved out and set aside for others, just because.  It is magical to give and or receive that phone call, dinner invitation, email or text just saying, “Hello. You are in my heart.”  Knowing someone is giving of themself because they care to share their positivity and love with you is one of the best gifts to ever receive.  Connection with another soul is a heavenly gift that can never be priced, sold, or replaced. 

Today, I gifted myself a huge dose of gratitude as I started my day.  I made my daily coffee run after school drop off.  Without much thought, the warm cup in my hand suddenly felt like the most amazing cup ever. I walked outside and had this all encompassing feeling of peace, harmony and love.  I felt the morning breeze, as if for the very first time, and did not resist as it sent chills through me.  I watched gold and maroon leaves dance through the air before making delicate and graceful landings on the concrete, cars and water fountain.

I began thinking about where I was a year ago.  Behind a desk, wishing I could spend my days without make up,  in yoga pants, writing, reading, collaborating and creating.  I used to imagine what it would be like to take my youngest daughter to private school, volunteer and be a “room parent” because, hell, I had the time.  I remember dreading fighting traffic and watching the clock, praying for the work day to end.  That cup of coffee was like a portal to “Gratitude Land.” In an instant, everything was perfect. 

Today, I am living that perfect, imagined life.  I worked for it, sacrificed for it and believed it could be my reality. I did not buy it. No one could sell me what I already possessed. There is no commercial for true peace, love and joy.  Being grateful for where I was and where I am on a consistent basis was and is the key.  It is the magic that allows the Universe to multiply its infinite possibilities, create my pathways of thought and spark my creativity, connect me with new people and elevate the lives of those already part of my existence to fulfill goals, live dreams and carve out time we did not realize existed to just “be.”  Life is simply amazing, every moment of every day. So, pardon me if the “Spirit of the season” misses me.  I choose to live my “season” daily and everyday is the “most wonderful time of the year. ” 

MEEEEEE

        “GRATITUDE TURNS LIFE INTO GOLD”  – UNKNOWN

LOOKS ARE NOT DECEIVING: WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES ABOUT OUR LOOKS IS

 

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ETHNIC HAIR LOSS: WHY I CARE AND WHY YOU SHOULD TOO

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Letting Go

I have learned it is okay to let go, without bitterness,  apologies or regrets.  For me, coming from a place of desire to please others made this lesson a lengthy one to master. The truth is, the longing to please others is not about how good of a person we are or how much we want to see others happy. It is about the void within us seeking to please others attempts to fill. 

Yes, we are interconnected and yes it is a wonderful feeling to see your actions bring a smile to someone else’s face, but neither of those things are to be acquired from your pain or stubbornness to accept a situation for what it is and was always meant to be.

Don’t give until it hurts. Don’t ever apologize for growing through a situation and never ever regret nurturing your soul before sharing its energy with others.

Conflict will arise. Others may not understand your actions. Remember this, their perception of what you do is theirs and fair for them. Nevertheless, you are only mandated to cultivate your experience, not theirs. 

The process will challenge all you know and believe about who you are, but it will also reveal who you are created to be.  Without regard to anyone else, you are responsible for your journey alone. 

This journey can lead you to and through people and situations you deemed the answer to your questions. In honesty, many of these people and situations were never meant to be permanent sources in your life. Instead, they are temporary teachers,  soul professors,  meant to guide you towards your greater self.  As souls having a human experience, by instinct we seek comfort and connection with others. When we feel these things have been accomplished, we fight tooth and nail to remain connected to them even when the person, relationship and experience was only designed to be a mere catalyst to elevating your understanding of you and your journey.   

Nothing is personal, everything is soulful.  When we separate perceptions of what should be from the pure divinity of what is, we will know, nothing is ever a waste. No person coming into your life is a coincidence and no person exiting your life is a mistake. The lesson is in the experience. 

Bless all whose paths you cross. No one is seeking to hurt you. You are seeking to be your best self through your experience with them. Release them from the responsibility of your past, present and future. Thank them and be grateful for the moment. Do not burden your experience with would, could or should. Rejoice within it for all that is and was. You asked for this. Let go when you know you should, focus on what you learned from the experience and keep growing. 

 

You Don’t Have to Accept Hair Loss

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As an Alopecia Life Coach, this is something that may be taboo for me to say.  I am pretty unconventional, so this does not concern me.  It is still truth.

My philosophy is you really don’t have to accept hair loss, in fact you may never be able to. Your only goal for dealing with hair loss and anything else that occurs in your life is to accept you.

Accept you in whatever circumstance and situation you experience. This is how to conquer what lies ahead of you.  Armour yourself with confidence and affirm there is nothing you cannot achieve or withstand.

It may seem an impossible and daunting task to imagine how you are beautiful as patches of hair grow larger and your hair is in your brush or sink. I get it, I have been there. It still has to be done. Will it be work, of course. You are losing your hair and you are scared, but who better than you is worth it?

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Accept you are a constant source of love and life. Believe you are more than your hair, more than the thoughts and perceptions of others. Know the same person who is standing today is the same person that has endured challenges and struggles before and won.

We are not created to be broken, disgruntled or shamed. We are not designed to be labeled and characterized. We as humans choose this path. It is not chosen for us.

The world does not owe you acceptance and it does not give you value. You alone are required to provide those things for you.  So, don’t accept the hair loss. It is what it is. Accept you are beautiful in spite of it and choose how to proceed from that place of self love and positivity.

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Choose to wear weaves, wigs, scarves or anything you desire with full confidence in you.  What you will discover is loss of hair does not matter. It happens, you adapt and keep moving forward living your best life. The life you have always imagined, just with less hair, but more confidence. The one you desire and deserve. Remember, it is up to you to love you just as you are.

“What is love? Love is the absence of judgement.”  -Dalai Lama

Until next time.

Blessings and Love,

Denise

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Knit Koozies To Save The World

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LET’S SAVE THE WORLD!! Do we sit in our comfy corners knitting drink koozies for the “less fortunate?” (It’s a thing!) Those who may not even have access to drink containers, but we happily knit away without effort to discover or help them create sources of water, because knitting koozies is what we feel comfortable doing?!? Are we are missing the entire premise of THE world as we focus from OUR world?

Is saving the world making OUR world more tolerable and livable or truly a quest to be a positive impact for and on the world of others?

Are we stepping into cultures and experiences separate from our own and way outside of our comfort zones? Do we desire to garner insight about the lives of others or only see THE world from our point of view?

download (9)Are we patting ourselves on the back as we gather wood to provide fire for warmth, while we inadvertently fail demonstrate how to ignite a flame or use matches?

Look, listen and feel something different.

Speak to people not like you.

Discover their needs and ask about their desires.
Learn a new trade or task to reach those who cannot speak your language, but can feel your heart.

Get off the soapbox and open it to provide cleaning supplies to others and most of all be uncomfortable. Feel lost and unsure while you do it.

The world is a big place and the opportunity to help it improve is even bigger.
That place of discomfort signifies you are in foreign territory. That’s where saving THE world starts. Outside of our own.

From here, we can expand our reach. As we do, our reach will expand further through valuing the lives and worlds of others.

P.S. Keep knitting your drink koozies!! When we get this thing rolling, we are all gonna need one as we sit around a beautifully created fire and lift up our drinks to toast, “We are saving the world!

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Until next time,

Blessings and Love,

Denise

The Healing Power of Vulnerability

“Vulnerability opens the door to the soul for pain to exit and healing to enter.”

Denise White

I recently had the pleasure of being a speaker on a panel of phenomenal women. During my time on the panel, I spoke about the process of losing my hair.  After speaking,  I realized it was the first time I had publicly spoken about the experience.

Why is that? Why is something I believe I am so comfortable with, something so difficult to verbalize in the presence of other people. One word: vulnerability.

What is vulnerability? One definition is the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed emotionally. This has been a fear of mine as far back as I can remember. So, at an early age, I became guarded, shunning opportunities to to be exposed to the risk of emotional and physical harm.  It was easier to work to control my environment and my emotions than to cause myself further damage by even the potential of risk.

What I discovered while watching the faces of women as I shared my transition to being bald, was vulnerability isn’t about the risk I may endure, but the connection it provides to others.

We all have things that cause us trepidation. For some, it is a “bother” to share these with others and for another population it is a sign of weakness to do so.  Still yet, for others, like myself, exposing these concerns to others is equivalent to living the cause of the pain over and over again. No one desires to endure that.

So, how can there be healing in vulnerability? The healing exists in the humanity of pain. Regardless of economic, race or gender, pain is universal.  We can build any facade around it we choose, but at the core of each of us is one thing, our soul. A place within us that desires connectivity and acceptance.

When we scale the barriers we build to protect us , we find there are so many others in search of the same thing we are, emotional protection and love. We have allowed ourselves to believe we have to be free of pain and flaws to be loved. That we must always be strong and stoic to be accepted and respected.

There are no other ideas further from our truth.  Vulnerability is the gatekeeper  of healing between ego and the soul. It is powerful once we realize its purpose.  It is great to protect us from physical harm so we may live longer lives. Emotionally it drives a wedge between living longer and living happier.

Our brains do not know the difference in producing life saving chemicals that increase our senses and adrenaline to save us from falling prey to a savage beast or sitting in the comfort of our hi tech homes charged by emotional pain that we are seeking to escape.

Exposing this pain for its constructive purpose is the light that produces healing through vulnerability.  Once we understand our innate desire for love and acceptance we know it is what we all feel. It is what we all seek and it is what we all have the ability to experience and find comfort in sharing.

There will always be someone who shares our emotional energy. Our experiences are different, but energy is universal. If we seek to perceive our life journey from the perspective of universal appeal, we will be more willing to expose our ego to more vulnerable experiences and not endure so much of this wonderful journey alone.

There is healing in vulnerability because there is collective compassion on the other side of the barriers we create to protect our souls.

The next time you allow yourself to be vulnerable, feel the peace of the connection that it provides. This not only heals you, but those which you share the experience.

Until next time.

“Do all things in Love”

-Denise

 

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In the Shadow of Confidence

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Formally stated, Newton’s third law is: For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction.

This means, in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two objects within it. The size of force on the first object is equal to the size of the force on the second.

I believe this law remains true for all things within us. Today I’m specifically addressing confidence.

Am I saying we can be confident and have self – doubt  at the same time? Yes. In order to project the image of confidence, we must also cast a shadow of doubt. A shadow is made when an object blocks light. This also refers to the light inside of us.

For a shadow to be cast, the object must be opaque or translucent. Since we are made of many things, experiences, feelings and thoughts included, we are not transparent. Our light does not simply pass through us. Instead, our light is reflected and acts as a beacon to others. (This concept of reflection is a topic in itself for another day.)
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For example, we have moments when we are ready to take on the world combined with thoughts of, what does the world see and are we worthy to be who we say we are in it.
The key to conquering uncertainty is to choose to be confident AND command control of the doubt. How can this be done?

1) Acknowledge the doubt. See it for what it is and look at how you use it? Is it fear? A remnant of a past experience, a motivater or an excuse not to move forward. 

2) Shine the light on it!!!  Be mindful of your perspective. Remember for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. By choosing your perspective, you remain in control of the doubt. Basically, you have it on a leash, directing it’s actions instead of it running wild in your mind. This chosen position of power diminishes its effect on you. 

3) Remember, It’s All Child’s play Use your vivid imagination to be and see everything you are doubting. Like we played that’s my car when we were kids. Own the doubt. Just as you saw yourself driving that little red Corvette, see yourself being and doing what you are hesitant to believe you can.

I will insert a source of doubt for me here. I am confident that I can make an impact on the lives of others. I love to write, but know I have to develop other strategies to achieve the plans I have created.  I love to speak and feel I am well spoken, but am doubtful I can speak well to an audience. 

Riding shotgun with the confidence I have about speaking is that infamous shadow of doubt. I have spoken publicly and was sweating profusely inside and out the entire time because I was terrified, so I am all too familiar with the feeling.  In order to become a better and less sweaty speaker, I knew I had to acknowledge the doubt and take control of it.

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Now, daily I  imagine myself standing on a stage speaking to an audience of thousands!!!  I see their faces as they are captivated by my every word and feel the thunderous applause as they give me a standing ovation.

I replay it over and over again until I can’t help but feel it every time I think of public speaking in any capacity and especially when I  see a stage.  I have that script written in my head.

 “And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.”                                                        Habakkuk 2:2

4) Practice Complete these steps when self-doubt occurs. Also, make it a practice to do them before you need them.

Spend time rummaging through that closet of your mind that stores your doubt and take inventory of it often. With the practice of mindfulness, you will discover the magnitude of doubts within that closet diminishes. 

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“Where there is light, there must be shadow, where there is shadow there must be light. There is no shadow without light and no light without shadow….”

                                                                                                                            – Haruki Murakami

 

Until next time,

“Do all things in Love”

Denise

 

 

Dear World

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Dear World, 

My timing is not kept by your watch. 

I’m listening to my inner metronome, moving according to the rhythm my soul recognizes.
You and I will not always be in sync. That does not determine my love for you nor yours for me.

For unlike our rhythm, love never changes. 

My timing is not kept by your watch.

Still, I can empathize without regret. I can be aware of emotions and remain unapologetically me. 

I will not fly when you need me to. Only when I have learned to flap my wings to the pulse of my song.  Then, my flight will add virtue to the skies and provide currents to propel the wings of others. 
My timing is not kept by your watch.

I owe myself the courtesy of paying attention to my watch, my timing, my dance, the rhythm of my song. Although, for you, it may seem out of tune, its mesmerizing and beautiful, to me. 

I’m not interested in stepping to your beat. I hear it, see and feel it, but its splendidly and wonderfully yours. I’m learning from it and am grateful for the joy it brings. Still, I’m here to be me. The best way I know how. I will always be the only me, I can ever be.
My timing is not kept by your watch.

I’m here, navigating my inner and outer worlds, collecting choruses and notes that intermittently speed or slow my rhythm. It’s exciting and often exhilarating and always appreciated. 

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Yet, inevitably, the tick, the tock, the step and timing reverts back to my rhythm, the soul rhythm, the best one, for me. 

My timing is not kept by your watch, the beat of my heart not by your drum.

Nevertheless, an ethereal cadence exists, eternally keeping us harmonized in the background,  “soul fully ” connecting me to you and you to me. 

As odd as our sway may seem and as much as I see others synchronized effortlessly within the tempo of your ebb and flow,  

I understand we are always where we need to be. Where we always knew you and I would be. Before our collective rhythm illuminated new paths, we knew this would be. We knew we would not remember, but would intrinsically know.

My timing is not kept by your watchtimeNevertheless, a comforting cadence soulfully resonates between us. Eternally keeping us harmonized in the background, connecting me to you and you to me. 
“Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.”  -Rumi
Until next time, 
“Do all things in Love”
Denise
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All Aboard the Victim Train

 

bridge clouds cloudy dark cloudsI love knowing and experiencing the differences between my spiritual and cognitive journey’s.  Although, I am not so fond of ALWAYS knowing I control the journey. 

Let me explain. Knowing I control my experiences means I am no longer a victim of circumstances. I may not always be the pilot either because well, life.  As much as I would like to have my hands in EVERY situation that my life is linked to, I simply can’t. So, I have and continue to learn I must navigate the experiences of this life journey from the only position I can honestly control, my perspective. 

Every so often, I want to forget this and feel as if I am such a wonderful spiritually enlightened person who has it all together and people just won’t do what it takes to be responsible and accountable for being good people themselves. In other words, because I do not control the actions of others, I can be a victim. I now see that I lie to myself about this because, once again, I choose my perspective. If I do not want feel victimized, I wouldn’t.

This past weekend, I had such a moment. I allowed myself to be completely frustrated and negatively supercharged.  I must tell you, once you finally understand who you are and how the process of life actually works, there is no turning back.  Trust me, you cannot unring the bell. Therefore, this was not a pretty scene, but I digress.

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So, this weekend, when I reached my crossroad of choice between being the victim and being the captain of my perspective, I completely chose to take the victim route. In that moment it felt comforting. I felt frustrated and desired to give into it. It relinquished me from being an active participant in the situation and I ran with that baby like I was Jackie Joyner Kersee racing for the gold.

Once the victim train left the station, that baby took off full speed down the hill of an iced track. I was full force with anger and tears and felt completely vulnerable as I played worst case scenarios in my head.  This chic was a basket case!!

Here is the funny part. The enlightened me, the spiritually knowledgeable me, remained steadfast and kept feeding me the emotional energies of calm and comfort. I felt it and chose to ignore it because I wanted to be angry!!! I wanted to scream, shout, cry and blame. The “potential” course of my day, my very reputation may have been altered and I was going to blame somebody!!!

How dramatic!!! Notice I wrote, “potential” course of my day.  That was honestly all it was, potential. None of the worst case scenarios had occurred, they were all figments of my imagination that gained a false relevance because I chose to put energy into them.  Even though in my spirit I knew I was in complete control of how my day progressed and my reputation was intact, that even amidst confusion everything really was fine, I continued to add more energy to that train and sped up my course down the victim track.eye

Okay, now here is the even funnier part. My spirit remained calm and I could honestly feel the separation of my spiritual energy from my conscious energy.  It occurs the instant you know you are committed to the drama, but there is an eye of the storm within you that keeps you grounded and connected to the peace and security of God.  When you tell yourself, ” This is not the way it is supposed to be” and feel the comfort of, ” All is well,” but refuse to choose it. 

We are not designed to be in a state of unbalance. When we teeter totter between opposing spiritual and mental energies, we feel completely awful!! Ever have those moments that feel as if “something isn’t right,” but you can’t quite put your finger on it?  Well, that is the beginning of the tipping point. The red flag alerting us to check our inputs and outputs and seek resolution of a potential malfunction. 

We WANT balance, we ARE balance, which is why we are emphatically affected by other states of being. This past weekend I discovered why feeling out of balance was more of a mock comfort for me. 

Situations, energy, people, things will always be prevalent in our life experiences.  They are the life professors that allow us to experience who we are and learn who we would like to become. Perspective is the vantage point that allows us to be active or passive participants in these lessons. What I received this weekend was I will learn to take these lessons spiritually not personally. 

Taking things personally challenges the ego, the world view of personal worth and cognitive value. It is the perspective that leads one to take up arms, lash out from fear and board the victim train because now, others control their destination.

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Experiencing things spiritually allows one to be an observer of the personal challenges without being connected to the energy of them.  It is the equivalent to seeing fire and knowing it is hot and sticking a hand in it to experience what “hot ” is.  Which perspective do you need to have to know the same information? Fire is hot.

As I write this today, I am so very pleased to have had my moment this weekend. Why? Because I can look back at it and see my connection to spirit never wavered. My choice to rely on that connection did. Even so, I was directed to speak to the people I needed. My  spiritual gatekeepers.  They removed the ice on my negatively charged track and leveled out the trajectory of my destination by connecting me with their pathways of positive energy and flipping the switch from negative to positive. 

I have often heard, ” The Lord does not put more on you than you can bear.” For me, the truth within that statement is, we are angels to one another and never have to carry the weight of our life experience alone. 

car chair comfort commuting

I am grateful for my angels, life professors and experiences. Even though I know the lessons I am to retrieve from recent experiences, I cannot promise I will never choose to  board the victim train again. Truthfully, between you and me, something about it was rather cleansing. Nevertheless, what I have promised myself is that even if I choose to board it again. I will not stay on it for long.  Awareness is more important that avoidance. I am able to have a perspective of what I am aware of versus focusing energy on what I am seeking to avoid. 

So, for now, the victim train has left the station. Empty. Bon voyage!!

Until next time,

“Do all things in Love.”

-Denise

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life in the Darkness

vera1Recently, as I watered my plants, the simple action of doing so incited within me a moment of spiritual awareness. 
My  favorite plant is my aloe plant and her name is Vera. (See what I did there.)  Well, Vera was recently upgraded to a larger planter.  In doing so, I noticed she continued to lean forward regardless of the amount of times I have rearranged her . 
Once my book knowledge kicked in, I realized Vera was leaning in the direction of the sunlight she receives.  She was growing toward the source of her energy. That is when it struck me. The most appealing part of the plant grows toward the sun in order to produce energy, yet the life of the plant depends on the nutrients it receives through its unsightly roots, deep in the darkness.  

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We are taught that sun gives life.  In “A Meeting with the Universe” it states,  “Nothing is more important to us on Earth than the Sun.  Without the Sun’s heat and light, the Earth would be a lifeless ball of ice- coated rock. The Sun warms our seas, stirs our atmosphere, generates our our weather patterns and gives energy to the growing green plants that provide the food and oxygen for life on Earth.” 
Consumption of energy allows plants to produce oxygen; beauty in exchange for life. The beauty of our life is enjoyed as our happiness blossoms. This beauty is energized and provides life through the connections we have to God and one another. It is maintained by the nourishment of our roots. Our spiritual roots are vital components of our life and the beauty of it is sustained within the darkness of our foundation. 
Our roots are our connection to the universe. They quench the thirst of our souls, drench us with the Love of the Absolute and maintain our natural state of being; objective goodness, peace and love.
Our spiritual roots nourish this natural state; covered in the darkness they receive these vital sources of sustenance in order to formulate the energy of life. 
A plant can receive all the sun the day has to offer, but remove it from the dampness, warmth and darkness of dirt and it will slowly wither away and die. When we choose to fertilize our roots through self – love along with spiritual discipline of prayer and mediation, we are able to separate fear from ease and fulfill the purpose of the darkness.  We are then able to realize darkness protects, strengthens and  fortifies the foundation of who we are. 
As we allow darkness to be a source of comfort instead of fear, we are rewarded with authentic beauty of life.  Think about it. There is something special and encouraging about knowing someone is experiencing  a dark period of their life, yet they are filled with joy, love and peace. It provides assurance that darkness is not death, but life. 

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When negativity impedes upon us, it may alter the timing of our blossom, but it cannot disconnect us from God. Even and especially in the darkness,  we remain rooted in positivity, goodness, and grace. 
Our journey through the darkness is a gift. It is not a time to fret or worry. It is time to replenish our spiritual nutrients, return to our natural state of being and grow stronger in the foundation of who and what we are. 
In the darkness, it is time to ask ourselves, “What am I to nourish? What am I gaining? What is coming to life within me? As our connection to God is fortified, it germinates deeper powerful roots in love, patience, kindness, and joy. 
We are evolving every moment of every day. This requires our roots to be watered and nourished. So, the next time you feel you are in a dark period of your life, remember to allow your spiritual roots to be nourished and instead of praying to go through, pray to grow through and share the beautiful blossoms of your life with the world. 
Until next time, 
“Do all things in Love.”
– Denise

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Why I Choose to Give Up

OUTSIDE Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

As I recall, Proverbs 18:21 is a verse my grandmother often recited during many of our cherished conversations.  It was not until I reached mental maturity that I realized how invaluable this reference was and continues to be.  Just as my grandmother’s presence in my life provided comfort and peace, so too does the knowledge that words contain such dynamic energy.

Choosing to be a voracious reader at an early age was my escape from reality.  Little intrigued me more than the many destinations I visited courtesy of the conveyance of words.  They opened innumerable paths of imagination and offered me the ability to find solace in the worlds I was able to create with them.

Today, words offer me the same comfort, even more so now that I have experienced the power they hold.  One word can have as many interpretations as there are people. It still amazes me the emotions words create within each of us.  How their perception can change conversations, situations and lives.

For instance, the common interpretation of “give up” is negative, a cease of effort, a declaration of insolubility.  Not one to be restricted by commonality,  I decided to harness the power of words and decide what giving up means to me. My interpretation is positive, powerful and enlightening.

For me,”giving up” is acceptance of the situation, person or circumstance for what it is without comparison to what I desire it or them to be.  It is belief that I have a lesson to learn in the reality of the choices of I have made and that I am responsible for my actions and responses to the physical and mental contents of my environment.  Giving up returns freedom of choice, to me.

I choose to “give up ” the worry and fear about what could be and focus on enjoying and learning from what is.  I have chosen to “give up” the opposing beliefs of who I am versus who others perceive me to be.  I have learned the only belief that I can control is my own and individual perceptions are created by personal experiences.

Making the choice to give up has released me from the confines of self doubt.  Do I have moments of uncertainty? Yes.  As long as I continue to seek new experiences in life, I always will.  I now know I can give up the idea that my goals are too big for me to achieve. Though they cause me to reflect on the necessity to obtain the skills and knowledge to reach them,  I also know I am capable of  doing so.

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Giving up allows me to redirect my focus to what I have the ability to control and allows me the freedom to critically assess my internal and external environments without inhibition.  I have given up the idea that fear controls me and instead have embraced it as an opportunity for growth.  It now propels me forward instead being a stop light or an excuse to remain stagnant.

Each day, I choose to give up thoughts and behavioral patterns that are no longer beneficial to my progression in life.  For me, giving up signifies a beginning instead of an end.  Just like the books I cherished as a child, the power of the words, “give up” are fueled and defined within me.  So, I willingly choose to give up any part of my thoughts and actions that keep me from being the person I desire to be.

Starting my non profit organization to mentor girls 5 to 18 years of age and creating this blog are examples of my choices to give up.  By doing so, I gave up the concern of judgement and focused on my desire to affirm the lives of our youth and exercise my love of writing.

By sharing my life journey and experiences, it is my desire to inspire others to make the conscious choice to evaluate their internal and external environments, critically assess what is constructively serving them and others in order give up what doesn’t, so they too may discover and thrive from a place of exuberance.

This is insight into the beautified life I choose to give up my perturbation to share.  How have you chosen to live your beautified life? If you don’t feel that you have, what do you feel is keeping you from doing so?

Am I a journalist? No. Will I appeal to all people? Probably not. What I am is a person who has decided to give up her fears and live with purpose, balance and joy.

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I hope you decide to share this experience with me through thought provoking content, productive interactions and guests that have discovered methods and principles for living their version of a beautified life.  Here is to giving up.

Until next time,

“Do all things in Love.”

-Denise

 

 

The Speed of My Soul

I am moving at the speed of my soul. It is so much different a velocity than that of the world. It is variable and yet steady in its accelerations and decelerations.  Sometimes, I feel as though I cannot keep up and others, I am right on time.

The days I feel as though I am lagging are but a blur. Like watching an old black and white film with scratches, black dots and flickering pictures on the screen.  The days I am right on time, its like I’m in the best Hallmark movie of my life. 

I love the variety. I make it a game to keep up with it and it feels so good when I get the victory.  The sun is brighter, music has a sweeter melody and the breeze gives me just the right amount of tickle across my skin. 

Today was one of the victorious days.  My soul slow walked me through some extended rest, transported me into some valuable family time, then catapulted me into connecting with just the right person to give life to fulfilling one of my best projects to date. It was a joyous ride today and because I have learned my soul will always move me at my optimal speed. I am looking forward to tomorrow, the day after and so on.

I may not cross the finish line of world given milestones, but because I trust my soul, I will always finish, whole, happy and right on time.  

What is your speed?

Until next time.

Blessings and Love.

Denise

 

I Wish My Heart Had Amnesia

Hurricane Florence is now a past experience. Even with the cleanup and rebuilding required from the damage that was left behind, she is gone. Those affected are left to deal with the damage.

Watching the rain and wind this weekend, I thought about what AFTER the storm would mean. What would Florence leave besides debris? How that debris signifies more than physical damage and that the pain attached to it will linger long after physical environments are restored.

This started me thinking about the storms we weather in our daily lives. How much debris still exists and how do we return  “return to normal” after the storms have passed? Why can’t we just forget painful experiences and be as fresh as the paint on the walls of a restored home?

My first thought was, “I wish my heart had amnesia.” If my heart had amnesia, it would not remember the hurt and pain it endured. When the pain ceased to exist, so would have the aftermath of pain’s destruction.

If it were this easy, when the life experiences I longed for appeared, past pain would have ethereally transformed into beautiful memories instead of ruins of emotion.

Instead, I remain torn, mentally stuck shoveling and toting the debris of past storms between two worlds. Worlds of acceptance perceived by living within a world of joy and a world of skepticism.

The world of skepticism is filled with would have’s, could have’s, should have’s and why me’s combined with wishes that the painful experiences never existed, because they taint the ideal of the desired experience with fear and doubt. Fear, that the desired experience does not really exist, for me and doubt, that even if it does appear, it is only a matter of time before the negative emotions of the previous experience of it will reappear.

The world of joy contains all the peace ever hoped for and comforts one could have only dreamed. It’s a new reality that even as wonderful as it is, is always negotiating its rightful place in the presence its own existence. We internally battle to immerse ourselves in the magnificence of the world of joy while being, sometimes unconsciously, responsible for taking up mental residence in the world of skepticism.

This tug o’ war lends the victory to the greater of our present emotion irrespective of where we physically stand. For example, a great love experience hurts when partnered with the feeling of pain. When the feeling is equivalent to what was, the past remains the present; the storm never clears.

A horrible love experience can feel remarkable when connected to the emotion of hope and anticipation of something better. In the midst of this storm, we “hold on.”

The worlds blend as thoughts and energy that permeate from within us do not align. It confuses and angers us that we can match the two with the wonder of  now. As much as we desire, it is difficult to let go of the pain. There is security in it.  A knowing of what to look for as not to experience it again.  It’s a difficult concept, but pain is not to be forgotten. It should be viewed as an investment because the return on that investment is joy.

Even so, it’s work to see pain as an asset and honestly, I am exhausted with aiming to check that box. The more I achieve, it seems there are more storms to endure..

For now, my worlds continue to mix, and it frustrates me because I just want to “get over it,” even knowing it’s not that easy and that “getting over it” is not the purpose of pain in my life.

Time, with awareness is helping me to stay secure in the eye of the storm and maintain of my world of joy. Self awareness will continue help make this better, easier I know. I also know I will continue make futile wishes that I did not have to bear this journey and could exist in the allure of now, without memory of the past.

Spiritually, I understand that is not the path to self-realization. To just forget each moment as we transition to the next is not why we are here. Even as I continue to wish my heart had amnesia, I know if it did, I could not grasp the beauty of what I experience now.

Without the pain of what I experienced in the past, now would not have such meaning, impact and joy.  If the pain stops, there is no opposite, no comparison, no triumph.  Emotionally, this is where the conflict will always live. So, how should I handle storms of pain?

I must wish my heart to have all the experiences it needs and learn to embrace, not dwell too long in them. I must learn I have experienced the pain, knowing I could count it all to joy, for that is where it has always led me.

Sometimes, more than others,  it is increasingly difficult to really know AND live this, but what I choose does not alter immutable truth;  we are not designed to have pain without joy or vice versa. 

Our lesson is to believe this as we experience and grow through our time in each.  The lesson in the pain, reveals the blessing in the joy. I only know this, because my heart has not forgotten.

Have you ever wished you could forget it all? Start anew? What would you gain by starting over and what would you lose? Finally, how have you invested in pain and received joy?

Until next time.

Blessings and Love,

Denise